There seems to be a lot of discussion about whether or not Duke is an accepting and affirming place to be an LGBT student. I do not think it is possible to answer that question with a simple yes or no.
There seems to be a lot of discussion about whether or not Duke is an accepting and affirming place to be an LGBT student. I do not think it is possible to answer that question with a simple yes or no. I am happy at Duke and am very glad I chose to go here. My LGBT experiences have enriched me in ways I never imagined. I have made many great lifelong friends, became an activist and have learned much about what it means to be an LGBT person. I have met many allies who love me for me regardless of my sexual orientation or how I display my gender. Before Duke, I was out, but not in the way I wanted to be. Duke has taught me how to be the person that I choose to be. This campus has allowed me to display my sexual orientation and gender identity without being ashamed. However, I cannot ignore the negative experiences either. I cannot ignore the fact that I get stared and gawked at everywhere I go, and not even when I’m holding hands with a boy or wearing a particularly “gay” outfit. Usually it’s just when I’m crossing the quad like any other student. I cannot ignore the fact that I have been physically threatened for my display of my sexual orientation and gender identity. I cannot ignore the fact that I regularly have drunk frat guys telling me to perform sexually degrading acts for them due to my sexual orientation and gender identity. Duke is a wonderful place and I am happy and excited to be out and proud. I have found niches filled with affirming and supportive people and I have found niches with some of the most bigoted and homophobic people I have ever met. I guess it just depends on which side I focus on in deciding whether or not it is an affirming campus.
To those of you who persistently say that Duke is not an affirming place, I ask you to please remember all the good experiences that you have had at Duke being an LGBT person and to not forget them, even when everybody seems to be against you. In my experience, it has been these positive experiences that will define how I move my life forward and become the person I want to be post-Duke. And to those of you who persistently say that Duke is an affirming place, I ask you to pay closer attention and to see the whole picture and the inevitable negativity that will always be present. It may seem easier to block out the negativity, but it is something that we can all learn and grow from. I know that had I not gotten these stares or threats; I would not be able to walk across campus, head held high and full of pride like I do today.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
My Duke: Affirming. Disapproving. And Everything In Between.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Out and Happy at Duke
Edited/Clarified: Duke isn't perfect, but neither is any college. I am overwhelmingly satisfied that I came here, despite the challenges I have faced (academically, socially, and "gay" related). I am in a relationship, I am gay, I am a senior, I am a Dukie, I am me, and I am happy.
Edits in Black
Seeing so much negativity in the posts here and on the Me Too Blog, I often wonder what I am doing different that makes me feel different, and I realize that it isn't that I have done anything different, but I think that my perspective may be different. I admit that I have been at Duke for a while now, and am ready to get out of here, but it is not because of the negative experiences I have had here. I'm just ready to move on and take the next step. I am HAPPY at Duke and couldn't see myself anywhere else, despite the issues I have been confronted with.
I have taken interesting courses with professors who for the most part care about their students. I have had great groups of friends who have supported me and embraced me when I came out to them my freshman year. Being out on campus for about two and a half years now has not been a bad experience, but has, in fact, been the best adventure of my life. I have felt free at Duke to be myself for the most part (maybe censored as I walk by frat sections, but its just like living in Durham, you learn what is safe and what is not). The Center for LGBT Life gave me a place to spend time and meet people, and I learned a few things there. I learned that not all gays and lesbians fit the stereotypes that have been built up about us, and I learned that the LGBT students who visit the Center come from all walks of life and that it is much harder to label someone than I previously thought. I was scared to come to the LGBT Center my freshman year, but I don't think I would be as happy and as comfortable a person today if it hadn't been for that short walk almost three years ago.
I admit that I am not wholely committed to the "gay scene" at Duke, and I therefore don't know what drama does happen. However, maybe that is a testament to the fact that not everyone has to fit some mold to be gay at Duke. You can be who you are while taking advantage of the resources that are available to you so that you feel comfortable. I still encourage everyone to come out and be honest with yourself, your family, and your friends. But it is not necessary to become an active member of the LGBT Center (although it is there for you if you want it) to be out at Duke.
Duke isn't perfect, but neither is any college. I am overwhelmingly satisfied that I came here, despite the few challenges I have faced (academically, socially, and "gay" related). I am in a relationship, I am gay, I am a senior, I am a Dukie, I am me, and I am happy. You can be all of these and more at Duke. I just think that although we concentrate on the bad things while we are here, it will be the good things that happen that will shape our futures and shape our views of Duke after we have left.
My perspective is that of an out senior who now is thinking back on his years as an LGBT student at Duke. At times I have been negative about Duke and about situations I have experienced. I have been stared at, made fun of, insulted, and confronted by a Duke staff member about my sexuality, and those were all bad experiences. However, I don't dwell on those things and although I definitely see the benefit in expressing them on this blog, I would hope that we can also express the positive experiences we have had at Duke. Those are the times we will remember most, and those are the times that I do remember most as I realize that my time here is limited and coming to an end.
If this came across as a pompous disply of some sort of "superiority," it wasn't meant that way. I only wanted to give those reading this blog a chance to see the positives that I don't think have been expressed up to this point. Duke is, overall, a great place to be whether or not you are gay. If it was that bad and made us that unhappy, why would we stay here?
Thank You,
"michael"
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Is there anybody out there?
So I hear a lot about being gay at Duke: It's so hard to be out; the environment isn't supportive of queer people; I don't know how to make friends now that I'm out; I've never felt more alone; generic sob story.
So I hear a lot about being gay at Duke: It's so hard to be out; the environment isn't supportive of queer people; I don't know how to make friends now that I'm out; I've never felt more alone; generic sob story.
And I'll agree, it is probably more challenging to be queer and out than to be a breeder on campus.
But why? What is it about Duke that makes it so hard to be out? It could be, like you're possibly thinking, that it's a history of heteronormativity established in a specific time and place. Perhaps it could be that we're in the 'South' (I use the term loosely because this isn't a very Southern school). And just maybe, it could be that straight people don't want to think about being queer, and since they don't we're left in the cold, alone.
These things are probably all true, not of all people and not all the time, but true nonetheless.
What the fuck are you doing to live your own life? Yeah it's tough, I know just as well as you do. Get over it. How the fuck are things going to change if you sit around, dressed in your polo shirts, hiding, pitying yourself? Where is the spirit of rebelliousness? Where is the unique individual inside of you actually coming out? Do something, goddammit!
Is there anybody out there? Because I don't see you standing out in the crowd. I don't see you holding hands with your partner. I don't see you dancing with them in public. I don't see you.
As a matter of fact, the gay scene I've come to know at Duke isn't much of a gay scene at all. Where are the club kids, the radical queers, the flamboyant, gay as all hell, fags? I love you, and I don't see you either.
I want you to do something. Fuck, fight, yell, cry, love, ecstasy, anything. Just do something. If you want to talk about lonely, lonely are those of us who are martyrs for all of you hiding in the shadows. Lonely is being that one kid who has the integrity and will to do something different on this damn campus.
I don't see you. Stop using difficulty as an excuse, do something. It will be a lot easier for everyone if we all do.