The tagging on the Giles bench and the subsequent addition of flyers to counter this hate speech by members of the Duke LGBTQ community today caused quite a bit of interest to passersby. Most just stared, wondered what the crazy alternative gays were doing, then continued on to the Marketplace to escape from the cold. A few came over to express support. Two guys asked what the big deal was, obviously the tagging wasn't directed towards gays, but was a bit of light-hearted ribbing to the denizens of Giles. The question of whether they would feel the same way had the N-word been substituted for 'fag' was posed to them. They actually had the audacity to respond "Well it's different because n***r isn't a word used on a daily basis." "Everyone has their own opinion."
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tagging of the Giles Bench
Friday, February 20, 2009
My Take on Duke
Two more anonymous contributions (2 of 2):
Warning: This is a long post, and I apologize if it rambles. I wrote this in a hurry, and my thoughts tend to wander. Please note that I primarily confined my thoughts to the Center for LGBT Life, as it would be much too large a task to attempt to address gay life at Duke as a whole. I suspect many people will have differing opinions on my views, and comments are of course welcome.
I studied abroad last summer and fall (’07), which turned out to an eye-opening experience. Upon my return to Duke, I promised myself that I would visit the LGBT Center as soon as possible. I had been by it before, of course, but I had never actually been inside. Noticing the fliers that my RA (a member of Duke Allies) had put up, I decided that going to a Fab Friday would probably be the best way to ease myself into gay life at Duke. After I had worked up the nerve to enter the Center (which sadly took some time), I went inside and found a welcoming group of people. I have to admit that apples-to-apples and twister was not exactly what I had been expecting, and I loved my first visit to the Center. Although I still had my reservations, I gradually warmed up to the Center and the people there. To someone still closeted and pretty unknowledgeable about LGBT life, the Center felt like a comforting and safe haven. I came out at school almost immediately afterwards, and my confidence in who I was grew by leaps and bounds over the course of the semester.
I chose to wait until summer to break the news to my mom in person. She did not take it at all well, unfortunately, and cried for days. There were the usual accusations of peer pressure and “you just haven’t found the right girl yet,” but fortunately I had learned enough about myself over the course of the spring semester to be able to firmly quash those hopeful but futile claims. In many ways, the Center facilitated my coming out, and I’ll probably always be enormously grateful for that.
I don’t think the Center is perfect, however. There are a few areas in which I think it could improve. Atmosphere- At one of the Fab Fridays earlier this semester, a sorority sister tagged along with a friend to see what the Center was like. I could tell she was ill at ease, so I walked up to her and introduced myself (people who know me know I rarely do this). She introduced herself and then hesitantly added, “People here are awfully cliquish, aren’t they?” She had a point. The Center can get very cliquish. As a newcomer last year, it took me some time to get used to how things worked, and it took even more time before I really felt comfortable at the Center. Sadly, some people never feel comfortable or welcome and consequently avoid the Center entirely. This cliquishness is exacerbated by the rampant gossip in the LGBT community. Even living on the fringe of the community as I do, I have heard far more gossip than I cared to know, much of it superficial and inaccurate.
Activism- Blue Devils United was founded last year with three committees (activism, outreach, and social). While the suggestions made for the group were perhaps overly ambitious, the enthusiasm was constructive. One of the aims for the outreach committee was to reach out to local high schools and encourage the creation of GSAs, for example. One year later, BDU has little to show for its efforts. Lavender Ball was a success, of course, and NC Pride and Coming Out Day went well. Blue Devils United, however, had no integral part in any of those events. Perhaps the most significant event encouraged by BDU was the rally in Raleigh against Proposition 8. With the changing of leadership in BDU and the group’s subsequent restructuring, outreach and activism seem to have fallen by the wayside. The primary focus of the group has been on social events like Lavender Ball and the drag show. The upcoming Proposition 8 protest is an exception, but that is a mere copying of activism at Princeton. What does it say about our community when we have to look elsewhere instead of taking the lead? The Anti-Bullying Bill letter writing is an example of good activism, but that’s sponsored by the LGBT Center rather than BDU. There is a great deal that LGBT activists could do at Duke. Thursday marks the one year anniversary of the murder of Lawrence King, whose death will sadly go unnoted at Duke this year. A temporary display and memorial set up around the James Duke statue would be appropriate. Another thing to work on would be co-ed dorm rooms; Duke students are not allowed to room with members of the opposite sex. The two hundred year old cohabitation law in North Carolina was first challenged three years ago by the ACLU. LGBT activism requires baby steps, and it is perhaps more reasonable to start with being able to room with whomever one wants before moving to being able to marry whomever one wants. This lobbying could be jointly organized with GLBTSA at UNC Chapel Hill; after all, many members of the two LGBT communities mingle quite nicely at STIR.
Attendance- Fab Fridays have been well-attended this year, sometimes with over fifty attendees. While this is a wonderful thing, one wonders where those fifty students are on Wednesday nights, when BDU meetings often have a dozen students at the most (usually the same ones). Bringing Gene Robinson to Duke was one of the most impressive things it has done, but his presentation had a depressingly low turnout. Most of my criticism about activism has been an unavoidable result of low attendance; it is extremely difficult to set up events without a critical mass of people. The Center is lacking in allies, despite the excellent ally training sessions, and a male ally who shows up to events is the proverbial needle in a haystack. Visibility is key for attracting members and hosting successful events. As just one suggestion, Blue Devils United should have had a booth at the spring activities fair last Monday.
In summation, I think the Center for LGBT life is a wonderful resource for students. Students questioning their sexuality, as I did last year, will undoubtedly find the Center a safe place to learn more about themselves and explore their curiosity. The Center should be commended for its efforts in reaching out to students, including starting a new women’s group and holding biweekly meetings for LGBT or questing students. Rather than bask on these successes, however, we should continue to improve. There’s always room for improvement.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The First Steps
You know, after being closeted since 7th grade and learning to filter everything that I say and do, it's weird trying to write exactly what is on my mind.
I've written so many drafts to this first entry, and I know I shouldn't be but I'm afraid right now. Blogging is a new thing for me and I am uneasy sharing my life with the rest of the world or at least those of you who are reading this. You know, after being closeted since 7th grade and learning to filter everything that I say and do, it's weird trying to write exactly what is on my mind. I know that some of you readers may know who I am and I'm ok with that. That's a big step for me, being ok with other people knowing the real me. It's also a new step.
So many things have happened over the past semester that have changed me - I don't know if it's for the better or worse. If you knew me at the beginning of summer or even at the end of it, you wouldn't believe that it's me who is writing this. I can't really begin to describe it, but once I took the initiative to try being out, everything happened all at once. For me that first step was going into the Welcome Reception hosted by the Center for LGBT Life, and let me mislead no one here, just walking into the Center took all my courage. A part of it is that I was afraid that people would see me walk into the Center. Don't lie, you know that when you're walking on the BC Plaza and you see someone on the ground level walking towards the Center, you turn your head to check out who it is. I know I still do. But a larger part of my fear was that I didn't know what to expect. Yea it was a welcome reception but what does that actually mean for the LGBT community? I'll have to admit, I expected to walk in there and be greeted with open arms and a bunch of hugs. It wasn't like that. When I walked into that building, there was no one there at the front desk, no one to greet me or guide me onto what to do. I thought what the hell did I just do, did I potentially out myself for this nonsense? Blocking those thoughts out - for reasons that I'll eventually feel comfortable sharing - I stayed and talked to some people. There were a lot of people there but I only talked to a some and I remember the names of even fewer. I stayed for about maybe an hour making small talk and shooting the breeze with people, felt bored, and then left. It wasn't the experience that I expected and I can't say that I wasn't disappointed, but I'm glad that I did it.
I just felt a sense of belonging in that room of people that I didn't know. Though I won't exaggerate and say that I felt an immediate sense of community, I did feel more relaxed; I didn't have to make sure that I avoided non-masculine subjects or watched my body language, less someone thinks that I'm flamboyant (I so am by the way). So after that I went to some of the other events hosted by the Center like the Fabulous Fridays and Blue Devils United meetings. It was hard at first going into the Center to attend these events. I'm pretty sure that one of the things that people will remember me for is my extreme lateness; you know 5 minutes, 15 minutes, half an hour, an entire hour sometimes… The truth is that it was scary going into the Center even after a couple of times. I didn't know who else would be in there, I didn't know what to do/act/say. The whole thing just made me really self-conscious. It's gotten easier over the course of the semester and now I can comfortably walk in anytime but it has definitely been a process.
So I realize that I'm just rambling now and I didn't cover a lot of ground in this entry. It's not even very personal so let me apologize for failing to meet the expectations of this blog. Looking back on what I've written, I didn't realize that this was how I felt about things. Putting everything into words and grammatically incorrect sentences is somewhat self-enlightening so I'll continue blogging. Thanks for reading.