Edited/Clarified: Duke isn't perfect, but neither is any college. I am overwhelmingly satisfied that I came here, despite the challenges I have faced (academically, socially, and "gay" related). I am in a relationship, I am gay, I am a senior, I am a Dukie, I am me, and I am happy.
Edits in Black
Seeing so much negativity in the posts here and on the Me Too Blog, I often wonder what I am doing different that makes me feel different, and I realize that it isn't that I have done anything different, but I think that my perspective may be different. I admit that I have been at Duke for a while now, and am ready to get out of here, but it is not because of the negative experiences I have had here. I'm just ready to move on and take the next step. I am HAPPY at Duke and couldn't see myself anywhere else, despite the issues I have been confronted with.
I have taken interesting courses with professors who for the most part care about their students. I have had great groups of friends who have supported me and embraced me when I came out to them my freshman year. Being out on campus for about two and a half years now has not been a bad experience, but has, in fact, been the best adventure of my life. I have felt free at Duke to be myself for the most part (maybe censored as I walk by frat sections, but its just like living in Durham, you learn what is safe and what is not). The Center for LGBT Life gave me a place to spend time and meet people, and I learned a few things there. I learned that not all gays and lesbians fit the stereotypes that have been built up about us, and I learned that the LGBT students who visit the Center come from all walks of life and that it is much harder to label someone than I previously thought. I was scared to come to the LGBT Center my freshman year, but I don't think I would be as happy and as comfortable a person today if it hadn't been for that short walk almost three years ago.
I admit that I am not wholely committed to the "gay scene" at Duke, and I therefore don't know what drama does happen. However, maybe that is a testament to the fact that not everyone has to fit some mold to be gay at Duke. You can be who you are while taking advantage of the resources that are available to you so that you feel comfortable. I still encourage everyone to come out and be honest with yourself, your family, and your friends. But it is not necessary to become an active member of the LGBT Center (although it is there for you if you want it) to be out at Duke.
Duke isn't perfect, but neither is any college. I am overwhelmingly satisfied that I came here, despite the few challenges I have faced (academically, socially, and "gay" related). I am in a relationship, I am gay, I am a senior, I am a Dukie, I am me, and I am happy. You can be all of these and more at Duke. I just think that although we concentrate on the bad things while we are here, it will be the good things that happen that will shape our futures and shape our views of Duke after we have left.
My perspective is that of an out senior who now is thinking back on his years as an LGBT student at Duke. At times I have been negative about Duke and about situations I have experienced. I have been stared at, made fun of, insulted, and confronted by a Duke staff member about my sexuality, and those were all bad experiences. However, I don't dwell on those things and although I definitely see the benefit in expressing them on this blog, I would hope that we can also express the positive experiences we have had at Duke. Those are the times we will remember most, and those are the times that I do remember most as I realize that my time here is limited and coming to an end.
If this came across as a pompous disply of some sort of "superiority," it wasn't meant that way. I only wanted to give those reading this blog a chance to see the positives that I don't think have been expressed up to this point. Duke is, overall, a great place to be whether or not you are gay. If it was that bad and made us that unhappy, why would we stay here?
Thank You,
"michael"
Saturday, December 6, 2008
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:)
ReplyDeletewell u must be so happy that ur life is so perfect
ReplyDeleteI never said that my life was perfect. I just said that I am happy with where I am and I know that even though everything isn't perfect all the time, the good stuff is what I will remember and what matters most. It is not useful to dwell on the bad stuff.
ReplyDeleteI just threw up a little in my mouth.
ReplyDeleteWhile I value the idea that you're happy and enjoy your experience at Duke, this doesn't mean that this is readily available for everyone. I think being happy is a form of complicit acceptance. That is to say, if you're happy with something, you're ok with it. It seems like not dwelling on the negatives is again acceptance of them, and is somewhat contradictory to the idea of activism. The underlying theme of this post, that we should all just be happy with Duke is pretty disturbing in its focus on the idea that there is something we should have to be happy about here.
Maybe, I can be happy with the education I'm getting, and this is probably why I'm still here. Maybe, I can be happy with the friends I've made, which is definitely why I'm still here.
But definitely, I can not be happy with fearing for my life whenever I show affection to someone of the same-sex in public.
I'm not everyone, and not everyone has something to be happy about here. And leaving a school is not as easy as you make it out to seem.
Ragazzo,
ReplyDeleteI see your point, but you missed mine. I am saying that there is more to Duke than all the negative things people are reporting. I am saying that despite some negative experiences, I can and am happy at Duke.
If you read my earlier post you know I am not against activism, I think it is necessary if we are ever to gain equality.
But I don't define my life based on my sexuality. I am gay, but I am not a "gay" because it is a descriptor of who I am and only part of me. Therefore I cannot define my entire Duke experience based on some of my experiences and completely negate the others.
I am sorry that you fear for your life at Duke when you show your feelings towards another of the same-sex. I can tell you from personal experience (frat semis, section parties, and just walking around campus) that the most I have ever gotten by holding someone's hand or kissing in public is an awkward stare or some derogatory comment. No death threats yet. But I cannot speak for everyone in regards to that or anything I have posted.
What I don't get is your anger towards my post, as if it negates something you have said or some point you have made. I did not do that to your post because I disagreed with it (as I do with portions). I appreciate commentary and a healthy debate, but demeaning my attempt to show that there is some "happiness" at Duke is not what we should be doing on this blog.
Final note, not dwelling on the bad stuff is not me saying accept it. I don't dwell on an individual experience (like failing a test) because I can't change what has already happened. What I can do is make sure that it doesn't happen again (by studying in the case of a test or being an activist in the fight for equality).
Does my sentiment make more sense now?
"michael"
"Micheal"--
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you saying that just because you're LGBTQ at Duke does not mean your life will be horrible. Of course not everything is perfect, but I don't think that's what you were trying to say. I think there is this intense fear that being gay at Duke is the worst possible position to be in, and that it will ruin your entire experience- which, as you said- is NOT true. I can honesty say that any dissatisfaction I've had with Duke has had nothing to do with being LGBTQ and not being accepted- in fact, I've yet to encounter any direct negativity at all and I'm pretty in-your-face about being queer. And even if I did, it would take a lot for that to "ruin" my time at Duke... as you say, there is a lot to be enjoyed here, whether you're gay or not.
I can't say that my experience or yours will prove true for everyone, or that this won't change, but hopefully they will at least unsettle some people's blanket assumptions about gay life at Duke being Hell on earth.
<3
I definitely agree with what you guys have said. None of my negative experiences at Duke have been linked to my LGBTQ experience. I even used to kiss my boyfriend goodbye ever day at the bus stop when I dropped him off for class and neither us ever encountered any problems.
ReplyDeleteI would say that the majority of my social challenges at Duke would be more similar to the same problems other independents (non-greeks) face. While not everyone shares the same experience as me, I would say that during my four years at Duke, everyone I have encountered has been pretty indifferent about my sexuality.
ragazzo più ribelle s:
ReplyDeleteyou are the reason people don't like gay people. Stop being so angry that people are happy to be gay. The reason you are miserable is because you look at the negative in everything. Being gay at Duke isn't that bad. We go to the same school. Its your negativity that makes you bitter and miserable.
You will end up sad and lonely if when someone says they are happy you throw up in your mouth.
To the above poster, Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteI think ragazzo più ribelle was justified in throwing up a little in his mouth with "michael" 's comment. I did too, and it's not about me not wanting to see someone else happy, but it was more because of the way "michael" framed it was all wrong. "michael" obviously has some absurd need to act as though his life is perfect, and even if it is, it doesn't mean it's his job to post it on here and act as though he's the norm and everyone else is a freak. I think he has the right to post about his life just like everyone so that this blog shows the spectrum of what life is like as an LGBT student, but I think his post is unrealistic and personally I find it hard to relate to.
To both anonymous posts.
ReplyDelete#1. I think the comments made to ragazzo are harsh and incorrect. I have looked over his post and what he says, and although I don't agree with all of it, he is not entirely negative. He just doesn't relate to my sentiments.
#2. I think you have been harsh towards me. I would love to think that my life is perfect, but like ragazzo, you do not understand what I am saying either. My "absurd need to act as though [my] life is perfect" is not nearly what I am trying to relate here. You made the point yourself when you say I have the right to post things about how I view my life.
Maybe another clarification is in order here, but one of my points in this post has always been that when I read this blog, all I see is negativity, but I don't think that that is all there is to being gay and to being at Duke. I was trying to give a positive perspective that contrasted with the others. I am not at all saying that my view should or should not be the norm, which I way I said that I can't speak for everyone else and explicitly put it from my point of view.
I think a lot of the hostility in the reactions to my post comes from the initial sentence "seeing so much...different." All that is saying is that like you do not relate to my statements, I do not relate to many of the posts on here. Neither you nor I are wrong in our feelings or sentiments about our time here at Duke, but I do believe you could have expressed your frustration with my post in a more constructive manner. Obviously some people disagree and cannot relate to my post, but out of the 7 comments that are not mine, 4 are positive reactions. Small sample size, but it does show that some can relate to what I am saying.
Feel free to "throw up a little in your mouth," but keep the comments constructive and not demeaning. I can take your anger and frustration and am glad to do it, but not everyone is willing or capable and we don't want this blog to turn into a shouting match.
I will leave this open for another day or so, but I am going to close the comments after that so we can move on and have more, productive discussion and not get stuck on this one post.
Thanks again,
"michael"
To the anonymous person who said to ragazzo:
ReplyDeleteA) "you are the reason people don't like gay people. Stop being so angry"
Ragazzo has a right to be as angry as he wants. Maybe ragazzo sees problems at Duke that you choose to ignore, or maybe ragazzo has encountered things you could never even imagine. Maybe not. Either way, it is not fair to demand that ragazzo be happy just to appease everyone who wants to live in a fairy-tale world and pretend everything is great when it is not. People don't like gays for many reasons, and it is certainly not ragazzo's fault or burden. Are you suggesting we smile and kiss the toes of those we feel kick us down?
and B) "Being gay at Duke isn't that bad. We go to the same school. Its your negativity that makes you bitter and miserable."
Just because you attend the same school does not mean you experience or feel the same things, and it's unrealistic to think that. We're all very different people and there is no collective 'Duke experience.' Some LGBTQ people at Duke will get assaulted and teased, others won't. Some people have a lower tolerance for negativity, and who are you to say they should just accept it and be happy?
We need to remember not to belittle people's experiences here. When they say they aren't happy, give them the benefit of the doubt- chances are they have good reasons.