Fraternities and Sororities can often be considered the least accepting groups on campus. Are you out to your frat? If so, how did it go? If not, what's holding you back?
I am personally out to my frat. They were overwhelmingly supportive when I told them. Their only demand was that I bring my boyfriend to date functions. They told me they'd be personally insluted if I didn't bring them and to be honest, I only did because of their encouragement. At the first function, it was a little awkward, but I could tell they went out of their way to make us both feel comfortable. We just went to my semi-formal. Now that its been done once, it was totally unawkward; it was just as comfortable as bringing a girl. I can say this experience was a surprise and something I thought I'd never be comfortable with, but I was wondering if other people had similar experiences.
YAY!
ReplyDeleteBeing part of the Greek system, and thus presumably wielding more influence than those of us outside of it, would you and/or your frat consider having discussions with other frats (esp. less accepting ones) about having GBTQ members?
What do you mean by discussion? Ive always felt frats should have the convo: how to make GLBT members feel welcome.
ReplyDeleteI'm in an SLG so that's not a frat but it is similar. I'm mostly out to my group and by mostly out I mean that a lot of people know but I haven't made a concerted effort to tell every person. The people that I talk to or people that live close to me in section know simply because I talk about guys all the time. I wouldn't say that anyone has made a visible effort to make me feel comfortable - I'm not sure what that actually entails either. There's a passive acceptance, no one has really said anything about it but when relationships/sex comes up in a conversation and it does all the time, I do feel that people consciously try to avoid heteronormativity.
ReplyDeleteI've danced with another guy at one of the parties that my SLG threw and no one thought anything of it. I also didn't think that it was awkward, probably because I wasn't thinking about what anyone else thought that night. So again, I would say that there is an acceptance of LGBT people (or at least me?) but not an open embrace like the one you mentioned in your post.
I'm on a sports club team, and I've gotten the same reaction as WOJO7. When everyone is talking about relationships, or dates, or anything more explicit, I'm included in all the conversations like everyone else. People follow up about guys, I've been seeing. Some girls will even pry for details. Last year I brought my boyfriend at the time to a semi-formal, and it was not awkward at all. There is never a giant elephant in the room.
ReplyDeleteIt's been my experience that in any group where you guys have a strong bond, being out doesn't really break that. It actually clarifies it and makes it stronger because you have a different perspective to bring to in, and as long as -you- are comfortable talking about it, people in the group usually are. When I was less confident about the whole thing, my friends wouldn't bring it up as much because they thought it made me uncomfortable.
I'm out to my fraternity and was out during the rush process. They have always been very accepting of it and I was told that it was brought up at the potential new member information session meetings (Rush). Because they enjoyed me there was no issue. Honestly I feel that many groups on campus will not be bothered by a persons sexuality or gender expression if they actually fit in with the group and everyone enjoys them as well. I have also had the same demands from brothers for me to bring a guy to semi and activities. Sometimes I wonder if this is an overkill attempt at making me feel comfortable though? I am perfectly fine with them and they know it because I can joke with them about many things that vary from me jokingly flirting with them or more insensitive comments. I personally don't take offense from much and I think its sometimes important to desensitize people from offensive terms so that they won't think of them as offensive or ever use them in that way. My fraternity is like this.
ReplyDeleteI have heard that nationally it is becoming more and more common for a fraternity to have their token gay. I don't know how good this is but it is a trend that has been brought up. It seems more like gay guys are more comfortable in fraternities and its not like the organizations are actually going out of their way to actively recruit gay/bisexual/whatever title you want, men.
The big issue with fraternities (I feel) isn't sexuality as much as gender expression. I usually come across more masculine and I know someone who is more effeminate who was very upset when he didn't get into the fraternity he wanted and was later told he was too girly. It goes from both sides, sororities traditionally don't want manly girls either. Of course there are many organizations on campus that will look past all of that as well. You just have to find the right one for you.
Some of the most surprising moments for me though are when brothers will randomly get rowdy and sometimes try to wrestle and include me without a second thought. I have always been surprised with how comfortable they are physically with me. That isn't always put in the best of ways though. For example I play football with them and I take great pride in my ability to really drop people when tackling them. This sometimes leads to teasing the other brother cuz they gay kid took him down. I know they mean no offense to me by this and I just smile and run to get the next person. Im sure it doesn't help though that after I throw the person down I quickly make sure they are fine and help them up again before moving on in the game lol. Yea.... I don't think I see any other brothers doing that.
Sorry for the long post but I'd love to hear peoples thoughts on this stuff.
Hey I have been researching into starting a Gay/Bi/Questioning LGBT Greek community at Duke. How much interest do people think there would be? I have been asked by the administration of IFC and LGBT center to pursue this and through studies I've read it seems like there has been a demand for this for the past few years. Ideas?
ReplyDeleteI think there would be ample interest, but of course you'll never know until the org is actually established. Considering to join an org is much different from actually doing it.
ReplyDeleteI might support this but I think it would need to be gender-neutral, as in one org, open to everyone, that is not called either a fraternity or sorority. But don't ask me what it would be called. And yes, I know fraternity is the 'default,' but I'm not down with that, as it has a definite male derivation and naturalizing masculinity is a problem in itself.
Also, it would depend on what principles the organization would be founded upon, and what it's philanthropy would be. It could be as simple as "collective unity" or something more political in meaning- the latter of which would make a more powerful statement, but may also turn some people away. That brings up the question of whether the org is meant to be a place for every LGBTQ on campus to run to, or for a more focused group with specific aims.
Do you have any ideas about these things, and if so would you mind sharing them?
Im in a fraternity too and have been out to them for year or so - I would say it definitely hasnt been a problem yet, but yeah my roommmate does get a bit uncomfortable if i make out with my boyriend in front of him
ReplyDeletei havent yet gotten to the point of inviting guy dates to functions- but that should change this semester
I know many of you might not be comfortable sharing this, but can any of you share the names of specific fraternities, sororities or selective living groups and your maybe just some of your experiences with them? I don't wish to necessarily have people accuse certain ones as being discriminatory, but being aware of the ones that might be particularly accepting might be good for other people to weigh their options.
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