Learning to Say...

Why did I say that? I'm certainly neither shy nor ashamed about my participation in BDU... or about my sexual orientation, for that matter. So why censor myself in this PARTICULAR forum, when I'm comfortable with having my photo posted next to my name on our website for the whole internet to see?

Hey, all. While I'm no stranger to the internet, I'll admit that this is my first experience with "blogging," per se, and I'm not entirely sure I'm "doing it right." I wasn't even really sure I would have anything to write for this first post... but life often throws the unexpected at you, so here I am, in the very thick of my final papers and projects and assignments, having enough trouble just finding time to breathe. In spite of all that, I found myself on the phone yesterday with a fantastically pleasant woman recently employed to write for my high school's alumni magazine. Apparently, they frequently run features on young alums "in the field," and my name came up. We were chatting about my job, and my classes, and my extracurricular involvement, and she asked if there was any other topic I thought she should cover for the interview. I paused a moment, and realized what I had unintentionally omitted from our conversation - "I was recently elected to a position in Blue Devils United, the student leadership organization for LGBTs and allies at Duke... but I'm not sure you can put that in your article..."

Why did I say that? I'm certainly neither shy nor ashamed about my participation in BDU... or about my sexual orientation, for that matter. So why censor myself in this PARTICULAR forum, when I'm comfortable with having my photo posted next to my name on our website for the whole internet to see? Maybe I just didn't want to cause any waves. My school would never allow information like that to be published in their magazine; there's the "image" the institution has to maintain, after all. I think, more accurately, that I'm tired of hearing "No." "No, you may not sponsor a GSA." "No, you may not wear a dress to the prom." "We have a scholarly and professional atmosphere at this institution, and the way you dress and behave have to preserve that atmosphere."

So much of adolescence is about learning to take the "no"s. You feel like you can escape them if only you get out of your parents' house, if only you get out of your small town school, if only you can get to COLLEGE. But the "no"s are still there, lurking out of sight in the shadows, waiting to strike when you least expect them...

I reviewed the draft of the article this morning. My recent appointment was tactfully avoided. In "choosing my battles," am I just learning to say "no"?